Before I start (well I have already started but STFU) I just want to say that this story is 100% real,authentic,legimate whatever the fuck you use the word real for.
Its not got any overused gags, shitty jokes, or cliches (Or does it) Also how the fuck do I get the thingie over the e in cliche?
This actually happened, and it made me literally shit ma pants, and left them stained for about a week (It still hurts) So, without further-a-do, lets move on to this tale of awe, like Justin Beibers claim to fame.
Monday, 2007, june 6th
Today was my birthday, and I had recieved a gift from my deadbeat grandpa, it was a packard bell PC, that looked like a fuckin pizza box, back then, this was the real shit, so I was very pleased, my grandpa was like
"Here you go kid, hope you like it" In his creepy,crooked voice. The pc had some kind of red substance beginning to ooze out of the sides of it, like I had just run over some kind of animal, but i just shrugged it off, and cradled my prized posession upstairs to my bedroom.
It had everything, the correct inputs/outputs, the best CPU and GPU at the time of its making, more then enough to download my fav TV show at the time "Cory in the House" So i thought i was going to re watch what i had already watched, I was going to browse the web for some Cory in the house episodes, cause i thought the shit was dank.
My computer hyper realisticly launched a site called "BaxterHomemadeVids4Children" This didnt FaZe me in anyway, and i just thought it would be some cheap garbage.. but boy was I wrong...
IT HAD EVERY EPISODE SINCE THE FIRST AIRING OF THE SHOW!!! I sat on my chair, eyes glued to my monitor, and watched the HD 144p episodes of cory in the house, the theme was beginning to ruin my mind, and it had this strange high pitched tone, but it didnt matter, i was already horny anyways.
Then, it hit me, there was one last episode named "Cory Baxter.exe" My subconcious (My spelling is great) began to kick in, as if i automatically began to hover over the big red PLAY button.
As my hand urged to squeeze my left click, I heard a shout directed towards me.
"BEDTIME YA LITTLE SHIT" Damn, so close I thought...
Tuesday 2007, June 7th
I woke up to the sound of a hoover making its way towards my room, today was garbage day, and my room was in terrible shape, wet, damp tissue paper was everywhere, and my mam hated untidy rooms.
She gazed upon my room, and after inspecting my bed, she grabbed a cane and began to vigerously hit me with the cane like an automatic rifle. My ass was in searing pain, so i screamed at her "WHY YOU STUPID BITCH"
She dropped to the floor in a seizure inducing fit, and I was just looking at her as she flopped around like a beached whale "THATS WHAT YOU GET FOR HARMING ME YOU BITCH!! THANKS KARMA" And with that, I jumped to my feet, and typed in the site I was on yesterday to watch Cory Baxter.exe.
The episode began with the same tune as always, except for some reason it seemed to be 34.6% percent slower to me, but that was normal for such a big site.
When the intor finished, an image flashed infront of me, It was Cory. He seemed to be bleed from his eyesockets, and the scenery had become something out of a pimps nightmare.
The numbers 666 were scawled along the bottom of the screen, and the whitehouse was on fire. I switched my monitor off and thought I should st... and i continued to watch the episode.
The episode was called "Cory's deathday" and was written by someone called "Beelze-bub" I thought that was pretty funny, so I contiued to watch the episode.
Cory was sat motionless on his bed, the bed was hyper realistic, as if i could see every little detail on it, then he slowly turned towards the screen, with his natural grin, however i notice the glint of a tear rolling down his cheek. Maybe his grandpa had died? IDK.
Then, he turned back around, and his dad, the chef walked in, with a butchers knife. The screen faded to block, and a stiffled scream could be heard, it was Cory. The screen reappered in glorius colour, and Cory was laying on the floor, mangled, and grotesque. I screamed and turned around, and A cory plushie was on my bed, it uttered the words " IM THE NEW KID" And launched itself towards me, using my ninja like reflexes, i tossed the plushie at the window as it neared me.
I turned back to the screen, and Cory's father could be seen eating his sons mangled corpse, he span towards the screen, and it looked like he could just pop out and jizz on me, but he didnt, he simply whispered "Never again" And with that, my monitor burst into flames "Da faq" I thought.
IT was all over, and I lyed down on my bed to take a nap, den da plushie climbed up the leg of the bed and strangled me until my eyes bled.
teh end